I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
