I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
