and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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