So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
