You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You pole danced in your parka.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
