It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
