At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
