my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
