she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
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He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
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I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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