I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
