I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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