The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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