You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
