Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
