Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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