so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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