some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
