oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
