I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
