I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
