well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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