Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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