Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
