Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
jump out the window naked night went bad
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
