Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
