i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
