I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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