you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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