Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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