Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
as a side note pls kill me
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