fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
