I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
