Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
