Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize