there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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