So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
