yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
