just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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