Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
