yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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