the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
