We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
