You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
