Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize