My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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