You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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