2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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