matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
