Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
this will be a night to untag.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
