I want to walk on stilts...naked
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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