Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
