After last night, I could never be a politician.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
