it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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