I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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