I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
How external is "for external use only"?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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