how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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