not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
