One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
