I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
