if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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