sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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