Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
