My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
