just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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