So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
