Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
