butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
