I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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