I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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