i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
