I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
All the doctor said was why
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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