Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
